Everyone has their drug..fortunately mine is dancing.

So Friday would not have been complete without a drive up to the berg to take a class with the well-known and much-admired Charles O. Anderson as well as seeing many of my favorite people perform in SMT's The Music Man.

I know people think I'm crazy. Taking off work to go take a class and see a few people. But it's totally worth it. Even when you only make the last half hour of a class.

After having my car worked on (thanks dad) I showed up 90 minutes late to what appeared to be a very vigorous class after getting stuck on 287 due to an accident that everyone had to slow down and look at, as well as getting locked outside of Brown because Campus Safety sucks.

Normally it would be extremely rude to just interrupt a class this late, but because of the setting and the people, showing up late is better than not showing up at all.

I'm sure some people think I'm crazy. I drove an hour and a half just to take 30 minutes of a class. I didn't really care, I jumped right in and got as much as I could out of that small amount of time. It's like crack. You can't get enough. Everyone is sweaty, disgusting, and having the absolute time of their lives...all while cheering everyone else on.

Instead of a "how dare you walk in so late reaction" I got instead the "omg you made it, what the heck took you so long" reaction. And that is why I enjoy it so much. It's the passion inside everyone and the love for the collective group that makes classes like these worth the extra time.

I can dance anywhere and be happy, but the problem at home is that I don't know anyone (my age at least) that has as much joy and love for something as I do for dance and taking class. And that's why people don't get my strong ambition to continue with it and do what I do. Not only that...most people around here don't even know how I perform, create, choreograph etc. If you're in Woodbridge, you tend to "stay" in Woodbridge, not only physically, but oh so mentally. Small-town state of mind in a not so small township. The notion of dance around here is revolved around recitals, high-school theater choreography and whatever is on sytycd along with commercialized movement. They don't know what else is out there so the excitement that I recieve from other forms of dance and taking classes like those at Muhlenberg aren't necessarily understood or appreciated. It's kind of isolating in one way, frustrating in another, and yet drives me to try and expand people's perceptions of the huge world of physical art.

Muhlenberg is a bubble. Was a bubble. But there are bubbles everywhere. Woodbridge is a bubble...one that I left for four years and then came back to, just to find the same people, with the same issues,  the same relationships, and the same mentality. A mentality that I used to have (didn't think I had...but I definitely had) but don't anymore. My family had a leg up on that one, spending a large portion of their lives growing up and living in Brooklyn, but of course I didn't want to believe them...I had to fit in here growing up. Going away to college opened my eyes to what my family already knew, and in a way it kind of sucks. But in another way it pushes me to go beyond this place, do bigger and better things than those who are "stuck" here. I have my family to thank for that as well as my own dreams of becoming someone different.
So I don't connect with as many people around here anymore. So what? I didn't come back home in order to revert to my high school days and times, but rather to get my life in order, plan things out, and prepare to start my own life.

As I've said before, it's not going to be easy, but at least I'm ready to face the challenge.

There really is a difference between being ambitious...and just trying too hard.

I like detail. I also really like knowing what I'm supposed to be doing, what I need, and where I should be at during a normal day. I'm extremely time-conscious (always, and by always i mean always, early) and prepared for what I have to do. but sometimes, I learn to go with the flow. and sometimes, that turns out to be for the better....

i had my interview at the Adelaide L. Sanford Charter school in Newark yesterday to be their substitute dance teacher for the next school year. I was up against this other girl who had just graduated from NYU's masters program for dance education....which, while impressive, made me wonder why this girl with her full certification was applying for a part-time job so far from home when she should be applying to be a regular teacher. well, the job market is competitve it seems...

this growing school has a committed, open, and honest staff with equally respectful students. we were shown around the building and classrooms, and as we entered each, the students rose, said welcome and good morning, and went back to their studies. amazing.
after getting some info and taking a tour, we each had to show solo dance material.

Now let me just say, I came across this job via NJhire, a very resourceful site for teachers, and the description said that the school was looking for a sub dance teacher who could show some knowledge of african dance. With that being said, it would probably be a good idea to show african-based or influenced movement. right?

Well at first I thought this other girl was intimidating. Got into NYU, has her certification, listing off these names of teachers that she has worked with, blah.blah.blah. She whips out a whole portfolio with lesson plans, dvds of choreography, and has 2 pieces of music with the same choreography to show how the intent of the movement can change. damn. 

why hadn't i prepared more? when the woman called me for the interview, she told me to just have two, 3-minute pieces ready to perform.

well, they told me that, because that's all they wanted to see. they didn't want to see what i could choreograph, or any of that extra stuff-just if i,could move! they didn't want to see a lesson plan...just me. and that's where the lack of over-planning worked.

after we each presented our movement, there was feedback and a random question-type interview.
all i will say is that the material presented by this other "contender" did not convince me that NYU was the "best school in the country for dance ed." as quoted by the girl herself. because what came next seemed to prove it even more...

ok so, no, i have not student taught yet. remember, fake it til ya make it, and I've taught enough in private studios as well as studied enough to know the basics of subbing in a school and how to work with children and the tougher issues that may come along with them.

The principal asked us each a few questions after we had danced, and they were not the kind of questions one would necessarily prepare for...and unfortunately for this one girl I was up against, something she had ever even considered....

Of course we were both asked the standard question: why should we hire you? Easy. Then there was: what is your teaching style and how do you make it work in different settings? Easy, but required thought.

but then came the question that miss-over-prepared completely stumbled on and couldn't even fathom an answer for: What do you do when a student and/or their parent has a problem with you and will not listen because you are a Caucasian woman?

yeah. she was asked to answer first. and it seemed to completely blow her mind that she would encounter such a situation. Her first response was that she would ignore it, not acknowledge it, and not allow it to happen in her classroom.
In a way I felt bad for her and the response, but only because she didn't realize everything that she represented in society.

You can't ignore what is real. The students are 98% african american, and the other 2% are a mix of other ethnicities-definitely not caucasian. The faculty is primarily african american, so someone who is different and is considered the minority is not going to be seen the same way as those that make up the majority. It's the same in any setting unfortunately. It made it very clear that this woman who I was up against, although older, was still naive and unexposed to the realities of diverse cultures. You're in freakin Newark. What did she expect?

Overall I think that my answers, my poise, my relaxed attitude and collected self did very well and I hope to hear back from this school with a positive outcome.

Muhlenberg, you taught me, and prepared (but not over-prepared) me well.

sometimes...you really just have to believe in yourself

Unfortunately, we will all come across many people who will try to push us down. make us believe that we cannot make it. that we have no true talent or don't know the "right" people. and sometimes we will believe them. but sometimes, it's better to believe in ourselves.

it took me a long time to be able to do that. in middle-into-high school, i was never the popular girl at the dance studio, so of course i wasn't considered the good one. forced to wait to go on pointe after all the others in my class, be one of the few not asked to go dance with the Knicks, and finally humiliated in front of the other families when i was publicly asked to leave the school for expressing my honest (and damn right) opinions about the attitudes running the studio. of course at that time, i felt defeated and hated, and believed the comments that I was going to go nowhere in my dance career. well...

in public high school i was also very involved (and also switched to a more positive dance studio in which i finally thrived *see previous blog entry =)*) and became very involved with the plays and choirs etc. However, again I was not considered the popular one, so I was always the dance captain, the ensemble member...never really a front runner because i wasn't "good enough". Good enough to be the help and get others more towards the top. But did I fight it? No...I believed that those people were better. strike numero dos.

Then I got to college. Little fish big pond. And I wanted to dance? What the hell was I thinking? Didn't I learn from middle school and high school that I was just a background person or the one that would make sure everyone else looked good? Apparently being knocked down a few rungs wouldn't stop me from the thing that I loved....

but first semester was a bit rough. I showed up to every audition...faculty...student..informal....lists went up..and my name wasn't on a single list. ouch. nearly every other freshmen got into at least ONE informal piece. Maybe I really was kidding myself here. NO. I'm going to try out for MINT*, Perks-anything!...I was going to dance in some way this first semester. Yeah, well, try again. Nothing. no one wanted me to dance for them. So of course this had to be it...cry a little..feel bad for myself...I wasn't going to be a dancer here. I was lucky enough to get in to this school, right? Three strikes and you're out.

Ok. so at this point, those of you who know me are like...really Maggie? I'm supposed to believe that? You've done so much at Muhlenberg...why are you complaining about the past?

Doesn't mean I didn't have to prove myself and work to get where I am.

It's proof that we will all hear a lot of "no's" before hearing a bunch of "yes'". And becoming familiar with people in power or influence helps. But when you are talented, willing to work and adapt, and are open to everything and anything, you will become something. I was discouraged for so many years because I was timid, a total pushover, and waited for the opportunity to take me by the hand. That's not how it works. When someone says "no", you have to say "screw you" and go find something else to do or someone else to work with. I have interned with an established and brilliant company, worked with some of the finest artists and creators in the dance world, produced student concerts, choreographed works, performed at dance and academic conferences, taught for multiple studios....and still got denied from Rutgers' Masters Dance Ed.M program for not having "good enough" technique. So I said thanks, but no thanks (and a big screw you), got over my self-pity after about an hour and instead got my work accepted to a festival in NY and got a few summer jobs. BAM.

Not good enough? No, I don't really believe in that anymore...and probably never really did.

Coming back home I often think about my journey to where I am now. all those people who were "good enough" back in the day are doing....what? With.....who? and are....where?

That's right. They're back where they started. Home. No job, no plans, just waiting. but waiting...doesn't really cut it.

I have an interview at a charter school in Newark, NJ tomorrow to be a substitute dance teacher for their elementary school students. I never even expected to hear back because I don't have my standard certificate for teaching. Yes, I have a sub license, but this opportunity could be big if I play my cards right. This could lead me into a full-time teaching position. Who knew? I went out on a limb and look where it took me.

I have to perform movement tomorrow so that they know I can dance. Can I dance? Yeah, there's no question anymore. At first when I found out I had to prepare 6 minutes of movement, I freaked out thinking...oh no? do they need to see movement that I could teach K-5th grade? What style should it be? What's the appropriate musice..what do I wear....do I need a title?

Then they tell me all they want to see is if I can dance. that's it? ohhh...get ready.

Good enough. no one else has the right to judge if your being, your existence is good enough because who are they to decide? those people who were judging me all of those years ago had no idea what they were dealing with and who they might have to deal with in the future. Focus, dedication, passion, communication, contacts, openness-it will lead you to what you want. I don't have a million bucks, 1200 facebook friends, 180-degree turnout, or the answers to all the questions.

but I'm proud, grateful and extremely open to all possibilities.

and i make it work.

Never forget where you come from and know who you're going places with..

I went back to my dance studio today. It did not surprise me to find that nothing has changed except the growing bodies of the what used to be 2'5" girls. It was the same disorganized chaos, excited little girls (and much to my great and happy surprise, boys), and of course my stays-the-same-age-every-time-i-see-him, director.

This man drives me crazy. For those of you that don't know him, his name is Jamale Graves and he won an MTV award for choreographing this little video:

Yup. The man that did this is the man that taught my first real jazz class, introduced me to Frank Hatchett, choreographed my first solo, and helped mold my spirit within the dance realm. He drives me absolutely insane. Grande ideas, unreturned phone calls, crazy schedules, but always undying support for whatever I want to do. He was the first teacher to really believe in me and offer the best that he could in order to make me better, which was not something I was used to from other teachers growing up.

A 15-minute conversation turns into an hour, even when he's supposed to be running through recital dances, talking to confused parents, or making sure the other teachers are prepared for the next two weeks (prepared? what's that?). I ask for some studio time to rehearse for the august festival, he offers up a key when the time comes. I ask to come and teach, he says of course as long as he's got a summer program. To expect anything but a "yes" from this man would be like him giving up on me.

Besides having a nice chat, it was also great to catch up with one of my all-time favorite teachers, Brandon Jones. Some of you may recognize him from:

He started teaching right after I left to go off to school and has been an inspiration to the kids at the studio and to me as well. Though our director can be all over the place, he does have a talented staff. Marina Bogdanova comes every week while she also works as ballet mistress at the NJBallet; Henry Roy is a college dance professor that has made his way around NJ colleges as well as a few in PA (Temple, etc) and teaches Horton technique once a week. There is also Tom and Kelly who I have yet to get to know; Tom is from the area and teaches hip hop, and Kelly is currently on tour with a show but teaches contemporary, tap, and the younger ones. I sometimes think the students don't know what they have. Most studios don't have modern technique or russian ballet teachers. And those that do may not have the energy flowing out the door like City Dance Academy. It's the kind of place I like to go back to...the teachers talk to each other (and now may choreograph together) the parents and students alike are involved, and most importantly, the dancing and the performing is good. damn good. there is happiness, passion, unique styles, and none of this factory-made dancing suited for armies of mindless moving robots.

I know people that have come through this place and never looked back. Unfortunately I have invested too much in this studio in order to get away, and I would never have it any other way <3

and if you haven't seen this, check it out..it's pretty amazing

Modern Dance animation

The time you spend wishing is the time you should spend doing.

Isn't that right. 2 part-time (yet ultimately consuming) jobs, preparing for a festival (while looking for others), and applying for future employment...all while trying to have a social life and eventually meet a guy..or two. Not easy, but it will all definitely be worth it.
I heard back from a Charter School in Newark today about a potential long-term substitute dance teacher position starting in the fall that I applied to. If all goes well this could lead me to the future that I want to obtain. It's all about taking the steps in order to reach the goal. With that in mind:
Thinking about doing something to further yourself is great and all, but it's wasted energy unless you actually DO it.

It's true. I used to think about all the wonderful things I wanted to do but that really never got me anywhere. With a kick in the butt from my mother as well as getting over any setbacks in my future plans, I just started doing anything and everything to help get me closer to being a teaching artist.

A few things I'm starting to learn:

• apply to anything and everything. building a resume is the first step in getting that "ultimate" job
• you're not going to get paid for everything. but employers want to see experience, so do whatever needs to be done to get the experience
• build your contacts. people you know or have worked with before WILL help you out.
• never think that you are above or superior to any position. you're the unemployed one here...
• be a person of multiple trades. I'm a dancer. but I'm also a teacher, a coordinator, an advertiser, a performer, a choreographer, a manager, a leader, etc. and if there's something I don't know how to do, I'll make sure I learn in order to get a job

Of course with all of this, there is no reason to sacrifice the integrity of our art which is why I felt the following is a necessary component of post-college life:

You can do it all and be proud of it. That's how I feel after this year...and will after the next, and the next as long as I stick to this mindset of moving forward.
but
Just know that with everything in life

There is no failure, only feedback.

"Is there nothing sacred anymore...."-Amel Larrieux, Sacred

Whether you're a dancer, a singer, involved in the fine or fiber arts, or find passion within acting, it is always humbling and inspiring to find the beauty within an art form other than the one in which you practice and create. I went with the family to the Rittenhouse Square Fine Art Show in Philly today (check out the link below) and found myself immersed within another world not so far from the physical one.

Rittenhouse Square Fine Art Show

While I probably would not hang an oil painting of a vase of flowers on my wall, there were so many images and sculptures that captured motion not only within the objects that were represented, but through the textures used to abstract the images on the canvases.

This reminded me of how we create dance works. Not only can we express our ideas, point of view, and vision through the physical presence of the dancers on stage, but we need texture within the movement to futher this development. I can look at an image of dancers and understand what the artist is capturing, but the added texture of the brushstrokes gives the viewer so much more. It's the same with choreography.

On the way to view some art, I of course was thinking about some from this past year. I found myself listening to the soundtrack from The Tempest that was performed only 2 months ago at Muhlenberg, yet it seems like so much longer...and how much I miss my Tempest family.

Two art forms coming together, theater and dance, to create controversial, beautiful, and compelling work. Thanks to Charles O. Anderson and Troy Dwyer, a bunch of us got to be a part of something new, something ground-breaking that challenged ideas of "what" or "who" a person can be and the effect on which individuals have on one another. As I re-ran familiar movement in my mind and reminisced about Tempest camp, late-night rehearsals, weekend techs, and our last moments on stage, I couldn't help but think about what I have (or rather have not) created lately. What have I done to make a difference or make others realize they can and are making a difference? I know that as the festival draws near, this process will be more constant...but I shouldn't be waiting fo the opportunity. Sitting around, complaining about lack of resources and space is not really an excuse because performance spaces are everywhere. Yes, dance is about time, space, energy, but it needs only the body in order to be realized...and the body can move anywhere.

To the Tempest crew, other artists, and those that just appreciate it...today, and tomorrow, and every day after that is for you as long as you make it mean something and never forget the gifts that you behold <3.

It's called: The summer of figuring out the rest of my life

How long ago was it that you could come out of an undergraduate program and be able to get a job? Well I'm still hopeful (especially through my recent obsession with NJHire) that I will successfully find something for the fall without having to go get my master's right away. But in the meantime....

This is:

• the summer of figuring out the rest of my life
• the summer of emerging
• the summer for creating
• the summer for making plans
• and sticking to them
• the summer of connecting, meeting, no excuses, exciting obligations, and of course, art.
• the best time to quit my coffee addiction.......right?

Of course along with the full-time summer job, this wouldn't be complete without a little dance a day (more likely a dance a week with my schedule) in order to keep the creative juices flowing and form a personal database of dance from which to draw upon for the future. It's time to werk.